Denied, again.

This is our adoption application experience, part two. Part one is in my earlier post, "I know this must be disappointing".

We decided this time to apply to the Ministry directly. The last time we tried applying for a dual agency/Ministry application so we go through the process once. We were told at the Ministry info session that they are no longer taking any more applications for infants to two year olds (0-2) but if you are more open to an older range such as up to age 4-5 then you have a better chance. We originally were okay to age 3 and then stated 0-4 on the form. We also ticked no to children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome due to my experience with a foster child.

We submitted our forms today by email and were told within an hour that we do not qualify. 

First, they need couples who are accepting of FAS because the majority of kids may be diagnosed with that in school age because often the symptoms such as learning disabilities do not occur until later. Most birthmothers will not admit to the level of alcohol they consumed so you never know until later on. We discussed in length about FAS and I said we would do more research as possibly the case we had when I was younger was more the extreme.

Second, the social worker stated the Ministry is a school age program and need applicants who are willing to take kids up to age 6-8.  It was already some movement for us to go from newborn to infant, infant to toddler, then toddler to pre-school, and now full on school age is another discussion we need to have. Not saying we aren't open and our feelings could change over time, but this rule was news to us. I was so frustrated as that was not conveyed to us by the other social worker at the session. She was adamant that her colleague states the same thing she does. I confirmed my understanding with Gerry and another couple who also attended.

She told me the other agencies seems to be a better fit for us. I cringed and told her what happened. The infertility policy also applies at the Ministry, however the social worker thought the policy was wrong and said she will advocate for us. However, couples cannot try to get pregnant (!?? - ooops!). Plus the way the Ministry works is different than agencies. After the forms are reviewed, the social worker will then set up a meeting. If accepted, on to education sessions and the next one is in the Fall. Then the homestudy finally starts so the possibility of placement would not be until at least Spring of 2014. A year from now. 

I gave Gerry the update in the 15 minute car ride home. I know this sounds horrible but we looked at Moshi and compared it to getting a puppy versus an older dog since that is the only thing we can relate to being childless. Older dogs really need love and a good home, and often you will know their full personality and medical conditions at an older age. We decided to be more flexible and see what happens. Who knows where we will be at a year from now....