Why?

Today twenty children and eight adults were killed by a shooter in their elementary school. A parent on the news was crying "why". I sincerely wish there was an answer for that. When my 24 yr old cousin was killed by a hit and run driver in 2001, I remember the screams of anguish including the question "why?". The same feeling when two of my foster siblings, age 2 and age 6, died six months later from rare, unforeseen medical conditions. Shock. Disbelief. Anger.

I heard once that when a parent dies you lose your past, when your spouse dies you lose your present, when your child dies you lose your future. When your sibling dies you lose all three. These parents have lost their future. For those who have other children, they must be brave and strong for them, but in fact they are dying inside. Their lives will never be the same. In the Christmas' to come, the holiday will be marked with grief. So we ask "why" and there is no answer. Whether the gunman had a mental illness or acted in pure evil, or the contributions of the U.S. gun laws and a desensitization to violence - it doesn't matter, because in the end there is no explanation as to why some people must suffer for the rest of their lives wondering what they must have done to deserve this. Many of the people in my support group who have had stillborns or lost their babies as infants initially go through this turmoil daily. Parents who will never be able to parent. We sit there and wonder "why" this pain has been put upon us. Again, there is no answer.